As I grow older, I find more and more people, in all fields of life, who seem more and more trapped and unfree. They seem unable to adjust to their own growing truth. The price is just too high, and so they choose security over honesty. In my field, I see bishops, priests, and ministers, who in moments of private honesty, reveal they do not really believe this or that any more, but they have to pretend to believe it to be faithful to the persona they built and created in their first 40-50 years. After a while, they actually think they DO believe it, but their lack of enthusiasm, commitment, or joy shows you that they do not. It is so much easier to repeat formulas and keep everybody–and your own soul–at bay. I would say this pattern represents the norm not the exception, at least in the church. So many are split personalities. And why wouldn’t they be? In fact, it would seemingly be predictable with the mystery of God always unfolding and leading us to ever further depths. If you do go to the depths, the price of speaking your honest truth from that level is just too high. Imagine all the people you would upset! It will call your job and self image into question. Plus, it is like throwing your previous life script out the window and admitting that much of it was mistaken. But that should be a given–if we are at all growing! THE STEPS TOWARD MATURITY ARE NECESSARILY IMMATURE.
Hold onto your first half of life agendas with a light grip, or you may never get to your second half of life–at least spiritually speaking.
This has become clearer to me in the many daringly honest conversations I have had with older people since the publication of FALLING UPWARD, on “the two halves of life”.
Yes, we must write ourselves a life script. We have no choice, but do not make it too public too certain and too superior, or you might just find yourself trapped there forever–defending the immature and indefensible position. Could this be what Jesus means by the necessity of “dying to the self”? The same is, of course, true for politicians and all public identities. Many of our politicians are more eager to be loyal Democrats or Republicans than honest about their own human experience. Image wins out over substance far too often.
Richard Rohr: Unpacking Paradoxes
contemplation in action, as I try to live it…
Wow, this has really made me think! If only these priest etc would be honest then maybe the church and then the world might become a better place. Thank you xxx
Thanks as always for this post Richard. Really wrestling with this now in my life. Feel trapped in my current job and really afraid of expressing this to my spouse as this seems to upset her whenever I talk about how I feel myself changing and growing. I know that I have to overcome this fear though in order to continue on in my journey. God help me find the courage and strength to do this gracefully.
Take that one first step by doing something that is absurd in your mind but will not harm anyone. Maybe you could stop and say “Hello” to some “foreigner” and perhaps, even visit.
There are a couple of instances that I see where this is the case. One is the whole pedophilia issue, no matter where it occurred–a parish, a college, or in our communities. The other is the evolving issue of sexual identification, which I applaud. We are still children of a loving Creator, whether we are gay, straight or somewhere in between. According to what I learned a very long time ago, we were all made in God’s image and likeness, and I don’t think there are very many of us walking the face of the earth who has actually seen that image and likeness. Except, of course, in each other…
An interesting and thought provoking post Father Richard. I am sure I am not alone in seeing people carry unwanted ‘baggage’ throughout their lives. It is this ‘baggage’ that we all need to try to shed in order to grow spiritually and in all other areas of life.
RIGHT ON !!!! THAT “VOICE CRYING IN THE WILDERNESS” . . .”PREPARE YE THE WAY OF THE LORD” QUA ‘GET OUT OF THE WAY FOR ITS COMING’ ! — DEEP, DEEP GRATITUDE FOR YOU, BROTHER RICHARD, AND FOR THE COURAGE WE ARE ALL OFFERED TO ACCEPT AND *LIVE* SUCH WISDOM, WHATEVER THE COSTS . . . MAY
WE FIND WAYS TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER AS WE STRUGGLE TO LIVE WITH THOSE COSTS . . . .
Very well said, Fr. Richard. I am reminded of Simone Weil when she wrote that Christ prefers we seek the truth above all else. Before there was Christ, there was truth!
God help us to be honest about our human experience! It’s true, Fr. Richard, it is often an unsafe environment in which to shed our egos, but the Spirit gives us wisdom. It is not impossible; it’s just work! an honest day’s work! “The ego has no clothes!” *Bless you!*
It is no longer I who lives, but Christ and the Spirit of Christ can take infinite forms; always fresh, always new, always alive, free, flowing, nourishing, nurturing and wild. I surrender all.
In a similar vein, while reading yesterday’s gospel on the parable of the talents, I had the sudden notion that the servant who buried his talent could easily be the church.
This is very insightful! Yes..I agree. What a great sermon this would be!
Ohhhh . . . TRAGIC . . .
Thanks AGAIN, Carol !
mb
Richard – This is so beautifully written and so true. I have been amazingly blessed with my husband of thirty-five years, a committed Catholic Worker who has consistently and faithfully walked forward into the Light of the second half of life, and, as a person fifteen years my senior, has lit up my path to do the same. Falling Upward meant so much to both of us, and I give thanks every day that God gave me the grace to never script my life too tightly, or publicly, always giving the Spirit room to work as She willed. As we face what is probably be my husband’s last illness, I know we will walk it together, along with our two beautiful, loving adult children, and I know,too, that we will be there when, as I wrote in a poem some years back, we come to “pilgrim-journey’s end, a peace-full whispered Yes, to take His hand, unfearing, in blinding joy of coming home at last, all of rejoice-cross-surrender-possession, a lifetime of giving…now becomes tomorrow – ETERNITY…
Thank you for the gift of your writing and your courage in speaking Truth.
Sue, thank you, bless you. My tears are for both of us as my prayers will be.
Geoff.
Beautifully written and heartfelt Sue. Thank you for this gift..
Totally buy into what you say and I am an Anglican priest. Priests took on a persona at ordination as they perceived what a priest should be. They got caught up in role identification and have found they are not happy and usually get “career ” orientated to fill the void. Some even become bishops.
it happens in all institution’s, business etc. Building the false self project, which ail never be satisfied.
Clergy can see no way “out ” as it is their job. So they continue in this cloud of illusion and in up in a spiritual desert and/or antidepressants.
Fr Richard your email is so true and timely.
I’m in the process of trying to pull together a
group of men, both professional and nonprofessional, to start a MROP for young
boys here in NJ. The men in PA have been
great in helping us get started, however
the professional men I’ve been trying to
recruit/engage/involve all enjoy preaching
but have all the excuses when it comes to getting involved in something new and transformative.
I do think that established religion with all it’s
Structures become self limiting and self suffocating when it comes to knowing the Spirit.
Your comments ring true in my life, and has for some years now. Having been employed as sacristan, if you changed the prayer space just a bit, there would be fall out because of it….so yes, I understand what you’re saying. It’s absolutely true…Your Image of this Mystery we call God effects everything in your life. And with all that science is/has revealed thus far about this Sacred Universe as Fr.Thomas Berry calls it, why do we live in fear instead of Hope and Wonder……I remain grateful for your insights and wisdom…..It gives me courage to Trust and do what is mine to do. Blessings and All that’s Good sent your way.
Roseann Farnstrom
ps…yes, there’s life after
seventy.
Reblogged this on the hour of soft light….
Well, I absolutely needed to hear this today. Thanks Father Richard for nailing it on the head again.
I just saw the film “Question One” that chronicled this dilemma well. It wasn’t the point of the film, but one of the main characters certainly gave me a lot to think about.
My sense is that my own second half of life has more than one phase.
I think that too.
The following quote comes to mind: “It may be that when we no longer know which way to go we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings. Wendell Berry “Collected Poems.”
I so agree. If we are to progress spiritually, we must question, examine our beliefs until we reach the stage of knowing deep down, not simply role-playing from habit (no pun intended) when meaningful authenticity lies elsewhere. Everyone’s truth will be different because we are all on different points along the journey path. We then move forward again from a new, higher perspective, always towards the Ultimate Knowing, never quite reaching that place in this plane, but that’s okay. It is the journey that is important here on earth. Because we are part of God and God is part of us, our life mission is to continue always to move forward, growing deeper in compassion and love for all towards the Compassionate Atonement.
Father Richard, I have missed you and this message has reinstilled in me motivevation to keep questioning and letting go of much of what I learned and believed for so long. It is so refreshing to read that I may not be rebellious spiritually but moving forward in my rebellion of the “old ways’. Thank you and God Bless. I miss you Daily Meditations also they made my day.
Mary Kay Shook
Reblogged this on Persona and commented:
This is an amazingly revealing text.
An absolute read. Thanks a lot, Fr. Rohr.
Yes, I totally agree with Richard on this viewpoint. It is easy for me to criticize someone “out there”, like Church leaders, yet we all struggle with our raw emotional truths and how much “to
tell” and to whom. Many marriages suffer from lack of courage to say the truth of our deep soul
selves, fearing rejection from spouses or children or family. I have been one of those. And,
today, how honestly am I living my truth, I ask myself each night………and what fear keeps me
prisoner, just one more reduction in ego to lose, then another, then another, until all that is left
is my soul freedom. Why hesitate now to further traverse the path of Namaste?
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A very important post. It needed to be said. Thank you.
Very sad to hear of the many religious professionals who are not experiencing spiritual consolation (See St Ignatius – Spiritual Exercises #316). Archbishop Dolan recently tweeted a warning that these kinds of problems often come from neglect of the sacrament of reconciliation. Or, some just may not believe in the resurrection of Jesus, or in the historicity of the Gospel accounts on which they are forced by their jobs to preach. Or, they be neglecting their personal reading and studying of the scriptures, a drifting away that ultimately results in a hard heart. Or, they be overwhelmed with the circumstances of life. Or, they may be beautiful Christians going through a temporary dark night of the soul. It is good that Fr. Rohr is uncovering these kinds of things. Thank you for this.
Tom Schuessler, Mayville, WI
I have thoroughly enjoyed your books. A friend in another city and I read Breathing Underwater and Falling Upward, respectively, together every morning on the phone, she coming from the AA perspective (38 years) and me from my study of the Bible (but also a strong AA background). What became central from both directions was coming to a place of neutrality about “our story.” Both sanctification and the Steps appear to be about a process of Reduction, of losing what we made of ourselves, to Recover what God would have us be, the spitting image and likeness of Him. This is not a fabricated assimilation of his character, acting as he would, but allowing to be drawn forth into manifestation the unique Word that is the core of our being. As Pindar said, “Become what you already are.” Surrendering…surrendering…surrendering.
“Principles before personalities” was the mandate. The principles were not to be seen primarily as behavior modification, regulatory, but as diagnostic tools, revelatory. This “living sacrifice” of getting the self out of the way allowed a spirit of nonjudgmental awareness to develop and grow, or what could be phrased “be still.” The clamor of image or desire, the need to gain or protect, the worry over loss or failure–all based on “first half of life” experiences and beliefs–were, over time, gently quieted. A light came on deep within and where it shone often led to the “necessary suffering” you write about. The foolishness, the destructiveness, the blindness and all the very real losses these sincere delusions of a false self produced was a great sorrow. And what became the bottom line awareness was this: Our sense of separation from God is the fundamental sorrow at the root of all our earthly woes.
This pain starts very early and innocently, inculcated and instilled, etching profound groves (ruts) of perception and means of interpretation in the mind, as you well know. Thank you so very much for helping us both find “a fork in the road” and a route (not a rut) less traveled.
Richard, all I can say is AMEN! i have been working in this Church for over 40 years as a Director of Faith Formation, Youth Minister, and Pastoral Life Coordinator. I am 66 years old and i am constantly amazed at how many of my fellow ministers do not have a spiritual director, how many of my fellow ministers do not take the time for the “interior stuff”. When i came out here to the retreat house my first endeavor was to reach out and invite the ministers to come take a day away free of charge to allow the Lord to minister to them. I even provided a journal and Scripture references it it would help, and offered myself and another staff person to walk with them if they choose. I sent out 143 invitations. Two people took me up on my offer. When i called the folks up to ask if they got my invitation I was told “yes, thanks, but I am just so busy.” About 20 years ago, i started to question myself what am I so busy about? What I discovered was as long as I continue to let my ego and worry about how others see me and think of me, I am missing the truth.
As for my life script now it comes down it comes down to one truth for me. God is love and he/she who abides in love abides in God. In the latter part of my lfie I am trying to trust over and over again that God is who God says God is and let go. For me, I am constantly looking at what is the next loving thing God is asking me to do with and for the people who come here, with the Jesuits, with the institutional church. It is really hard to be true to what I know without settling for second best. i fail at it often, But what I know for certain is the more “die to myself” the more life-giving what I do is as a husband, a father, grandfather, and minister. Thanks for listening. peace, al
I heard the head of women religious on NPR the other day.She was clearly in anguish over the Vatican decree to clamp down on their freedom of speech by imposing 3 male bishops to oversee their activities. John
Yes, I am one of those who “do not really believe this or that any more, but they have to pretend to believe it to be faithful to the persona they built and created in their first 40-50 years. After a while, they actually think they DO believe it, but their lack of enthusiasm, commitment, or joy shows you that they do not. It is so much easier to repeat formulas and keep everybody–and your own soul–at bay.” My persona I continue to hide while giving it life and being managed BY it, is the wounded boy who must lie to keep life sane. And yet it is insane! To end it, however, as you point out Fr Rohr, is that the “little boy” must die. And, what is more, it feels like I have to kill him. But actually I don’t. It is as Jesus said: the truth will make me free. My golden substance will begin to shine through the image, rather than allowing the image to hid my soul.
Thank you Fr. Richard for your thought about this. What I see is so much fear everyplace. People in the workplace are afraid to be honest about their work and their standing. If affects people everywhere. Fear! When I do a prayer vigil after a homicide in our city, fear is written on the face of the whole neighborhood. I think as Church we have to help people believe in truth. To accompany them and encourage them. To proclaim the truth of the gospel, by how we live ourselves. Is that what is missing?
My therapist told me that there is ‘safety’ in a known place no matter how unpleasant it is and it is not until something becomes unbearable that you finally break out. That is what eventually did happen in my marriage and this is what Richard is talking about here. In AA terms, you have to hit bottom before you can see what is wrong.
I can only hope that some will see the need to change their “stories” before they hit bottom.
PS A lot of people are telling me how much better the ‘new’ Geoff is now. I know it too, and I thank God for the guidance of Richard’s meditations.
this sounds like jung’s warning that the second half of life cannot be lived by the same rules that governed the first half; we must grow and change, or, as woody allen says in “hannah and her sisters”, keep moving or wind up dead in the water like a shark.
How true this is!!!! And rich. Thank you for your depth of thinking and prayer!
So to the point of living in faith. For my journey i do not need someone preaching to me, but someone who struggles and torments like i do. Perfection comes in heaven, why do some many of us expect perfection from our leaders, both political or religious. We are all pilgrims on a journey and the are many turns on the way. The journey is not a fantasy, as some would believe or we would permit those we look to for strength and assurance. But being sinners is the life we share.
Richard, the mirror that you hold up for us to see is greatly appreciated in these quarters.
I am changing my life path, going far out of my comfort zone to work with burn patients. Even though I have told you that I left the Catholic Church, it is there at a new Catholic hospital burn unit where I will try to be of service. I have experience in suffering, and I have experience in burns, and the Clinical Pathologist of the unit wants me there. I’m going to do my best. Patrick.
Actually he is a clinical psychologist, my mistake.
Richard
Good insights which I have also seen in my own experiences – people basically “frozen” in time and reliving experiences over and over like in the movie “Groundhog Day”. Our present is not creative or receptive if we just continuously let our past create it, and thus set the pattern for our future to be another recreation of the past. Thanks for your comments and for sharing your journey with us.
Thank God for honest personal relationships. My strength to be honest with myself goes only so far.
I like that. Thank you.
This is oh so true,,,,,,for a long time I lived a lie because it was easier than standing ;up and being counted……but after awhile I just couldn’t do it any more…..its often lonely out there by yourself, but actually your not by yourself, that’s an illusion….but we each have to face our dark night of the soul before we can face our truth…..
Thank you,
I need to read this as I fall from career to pilgrimage. It’s such a simple choice but not easy.
Your support is very helpful and your writings inspirational.
The Living School looks like a milestone on this path.
Love this! Thank you!
J
I find myself often debating in my mind the tenants of Church and state and knowing the argument is mine. It is always a bit surprising to hear what is claimed to be true. It is much like watching characters in a farce. But sadly it is not a farce. In fact these false tenants are dangerous. They often grow out of prejudices and they are always divisive,
I unfortunately find myself trapped in them. repeating dogma I know to be false or which I no longer believe, for I too want to belong, to fit in and be accepted. I do not want to be exposed as not being a true believer. Where is that brave person I should be?
But often I overcome it. Generally by going back to what I call first principles. What did Jesus actually say. I find great strength there. The Desert Fathers and Mothers also help me much. Both ground me. But it is often isolating, for much of what are first principles are in conflict with the truth of the day.
So it is with great pleasure to having found Fr. Rohr, The Center of Action and Contemplation and this blog.
Not completely related, but wondering after reading “Falling Upward”: what, exactly is the difference between shadow and sin?
Thank you, Father. Perhaps I will leave it exactly at that, for now. Love, Leslie
Father,
Your books and articles have given me words to express the wrestling match I have had within my spirit and my life for quite awhile. I have believed so many things within the church that don’t make any sense today. I have lived according to those beliefs and have had to sit and cry in the letting go of them in order to know and understand the “MORE” of God. There is so much letting go of right now. I do understand why so many would not go down this road. The honesty to one’s life can be painful and for me lonely. But as I get up each day to understand “More” I am finding clarity for tomorrow. Clarity paves the way for me to step into the second half of life. I look forward to the retreat in Santa Fe in October. June
I am so grateful for the depth of your wisdom.
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Your insight about the two halves of life is an interesting analogy on many levels, but what struck me as interesting, particularly in view of my work as an art teacher, was the perfect correlation between this arrangement of life and that of an artwork. An artwork, however, is not so much made up of two stages, but two components: these are, form and content.
Like your first stage of life, the form is the container that is built to hold the creative fruit of the artwork. This is essentially how the themes and concepts of an artwork have been represented: as a painting, as a tapestry, a piece of graffiti…etc. The form of art includes the elements and principles of design that have been organised to communicate the artworks message, as clearly, powerfully and beautifully as possible.
The content on the other hand is the fruit that fills the container. Interestingly, the word content is defined in dictionary.com as “something that is contained”. Like your second stage, therefore, content is the ideas and substance that is being represented and contained by the form.
These two components are therefore inextricably linked, one being reliant on the other for its definition and form. Interestingly, art educators have fought for generations as to what should come first: with some institutions advocating the form, emphasising design and drawing skills and others advocating content, emphasising the exploration of concepts and emotions. This distinction is about as absurd as the chicken and the egg and it is no great mystery that the great art educators like Ruskin have accommodated both.
Absolute beauty, it has been said, takes place when the form agrees with the content of an artwork. This explains why the ugliness of the Northern Renaissance artists such as Albrecht Durer was so interestingly beautiful and why Van Gogh could paint an old pair of boots, in a broken and wretched style to the same effect.
However, throughout the last century these two interdependent categories seem to have become detached. Like the unfulfilled lives you speak of , in many cases artworks are too infatuated with form to move on and be filled with content. Or, alternatively, have become dominated by content alone, with form becoming the derelict remains of literal symbolism.
To be publicly vocal about the change that occurs when “going to the depths” is what Carlton Pearson did when he came out as a Christian Universalist in 2004 and the price was indeed high. He was shunned and condemned to a very high degree, when all he did was hang his hat on God’s love without an asterisk of any sort at the end of it.
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